Sitting around with absolutely nothing to do. I seem to be living a solitary life.
The rest simply doesnt matter, does it? I guess that's the way things are and will always remain; nothing much can be done afterall.

Happy
–adjective
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.

You can get the meaning of happy from any dictionary. I wanna go back at least 10 years from now. Cos that's the time when I'm still a kid or baby. It's really a period where there's nothing to fret about. A fresh state of mind with the innocuous smile which simply entice the attention of everyone.

When was the last time I really felt happy? I don't know. Even when A levels are over, I aint exactly happy. Prom that day was fun, but I didnt exactly felt happy. Happiness has been something which is out of my dictionary for a long time and it probably gonna be like this in time to come...

I feel like crap right now and no amount of booze will ever drown what's in me

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